(Please view on desktop, I doubt I will ever make this place phone-friendly. Maybe some day...) Site created on 2/12/2025.
Wadup y'all
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Uhhh check this out :p
Here's a random wikipedia article
This website is very much under construction; I am still learning html & css. bear with me :')
: To me, seeing people with nice parents and a healthy family is similar to seeing people from first world countries. Sure, I can always leave, move to a better country, earn a living, build a life, but the fact that the one I came from couldn't give you the same treatment will always be in the back of my mind. And yeah you can always move back after years of separation and have a crack at it again. Who knows— maybe it's changed while you were away. You'd been disconnected from the local news for a while now; maybe the govenment's worked on their issues, amended their ways, making your brief vacation a warm homely embrace... or they're still the same old third world, reminding you of why you left in the first place.
"You're so brave! I can't imagine moving to a whole other country on my own; I would die of homesickness. I'd miss my country every breath I take." they tell you. "How ignorant," you think, "if THIS were my home, even I wouldn't want to leave."
But then you get used to hearing this shared sentiment, and you learn how blissfully unaware most people are. Of course, some of them are understanding, some empathize, but you only find a handful who you can truly relate.
You try to delude yourself into thinking, "I'll fit right in. I've done my homework, I've dreamt of moving here for so long, I'm ready," but you are soon made aware of your delusion; you can not brush off the weight your roots left on your being. And you can only hide it, learn to live with it, because it is forever a part of who you are, jeering at you in some cesspit deep in your head.
~Llama
Wrote this on my phone, hence the proper capitalization lol.
: crazy theory but what if people complain about hating their job to avoid jinxing the fact that they like their job? ik it sounds superstitious asf but think about it. im a strong believer of your psyche manifesting into your life, and for me personally, it works in an opposite-day sort of setup. is that how anxiety works? when somethings coming along totally fine im always waiting for the next shoe to drop, but voicing out how there is nothing wrong calls the shot and its jinxed. but when i downplay or even outright lie about something, saying everythings gone to shit and im struggling badly, they end up unaffected. am i crazy? im not one to believe in the mystical and whatnot, but this may be my curse
: The patterns are repeating. why am i waking up early but watching the time pass by until class started 30 minutes ago
: slowly realizing that going to uni is satisfying/fulfilling cus i be helping out my peers and i can impress the lecturers with my brains too but i just dread waking up in the morning and getting ready and actually leaving the house (and also because ive kinda bunked a lot of classes so i fear getting in trouble with my lecturers asw) but yeah it's chill
: sometimes you need a friend to drag you out of bed to go on a spontaneous beach trip for a day. i wouldnt have gone snorkeling with fish 100km away from home on a random saturday if it weren't for mine. i believe i dont like a lot of things solely because i happen to be rotting in my room for weeks on end but i enjoy a lot of things if i could just get out in the first place. im grateful to have someone who sees that. 8/10 trip. saw fish up close, they were so pretty. had to dock points for the 2.5 hour hold up near a temple because it was Vesak.
: i started anew, but nothing feels different. im supposed to feel hopeful, and look forward to meeting new people, and studying what i love. why am i already sick of it?
: the one thing i hate the most about AI that i havent heard people talking about, is how it has taken away the human liberty of asking people about something we don't know. sure, i assume the advent of online search engines might've sparked a similar sentiment, but this is exponentially worse. at least with search engines it was somewhat of a hassle to set out looking for stuff. now you have a tool that holds arguably the entirety of earth's collective knowledge, that serves your answers in the blink of an eye. and in a world of vibe checks and talking stages, any attempt to get to know someone's interests— if not irl— is undeniably spooked by this looming sense of "why did ask about that, i look desparate for interaction now". and once you get to know as little as the name of one's interest/hobby, when you meet them next and simply pick up where you left off, you have this guilt akin to when you didnt do your school homework. "it takes just 2 seconds to look it up and now you look like you dont care about getting to know them" you think to yourself. just another way AI is sapping out the joy of human connection. or it's a me problem. either way, i wouldnt be thinking this if it werent for AI. oh well.
: my phone screen's busted beyond use and as i wait to repair it, i use instagram on my laptop. before this, i hated using this medium because of the friction it has baked into it. but now that im left with no alternative, its been insanely eye opening. it showed me that having everything easy at my fingertips eliminates my filter for what really matters. questionable metric, but i find myself actually weighing whether to like a post or not, whether to save a post or not, whether to comment my immediate thoughts or not, whereas on my phone i'd watch a few seconds of a reel, double tap because it seemed cool, drop a hivemind ass comment, save it never to look at it ever again, and be on my way scrolling into oblivion. im way more considerate of giving away likes, and since it takes a couple hundred milliseconds more to scroll with a touchpad and to line up the post so it fits in my screen, i value what i see more and actually watch stuff till the end before moving on to whatever the infinite homepage has in store for me next. dont believe the techbros' delusion that tech has be seamless. convenience breeds mindlessness. friction. is. necessary!